Lost

One night, a confusing thought crossed my mind. I looked at this world and saw how beautiful it is along with everything in it. Everything appears orderly and shining. There are countless mysteries and treasures in this world that remain undiscovered.

There are many things I want to do but cannot. Many things I want to know, yet human life and ability have their limits. Sometimes questions appear unintentionally: How was this world created? Why do humans have desires? What is the true purpose of life? Why must we struggle to study just to continue living? Why do pain and suffering exist? Why can’t we live freely according to our own wishes?

I realize that all of these questions may simply be the accumulation of my ignorance, desires, and ego.

It cannot be denied that there are still many things I do not know. Many things remain hidden, and many questions may never be answered even until the day I die. Recently, I have also felt that both my body and mind are quite weak. Yet I know this might only be a phase, and that things will eventually improve with time.

Sometimes I feel like I need help from someone. But honestly, I am not even sure if there is truly someone who can help me. Even so, I know that hope always exists.

This world is so beautiful and radiant that sometimes I cannot see anything clearly. Its brilliance feels as if it makes me forget the things that are truly real.

I want to do things I have never done in my life. I want to experience freedom without overthinking. To live freely and wildly. Yet of course, reason and desire are constantly at war within me.

I also realize that every pleasure has its time limit. Delicious food only stays enjoyable in the mouth for a brief moment before it is processed by the body and eventually becomes something unpleasant. The warmth of meeting someone we love also has its own time. One day we will inevitably part, whether through death or through different paths in life. Even the beauty of a young woman will one day fade into wrinkles and old age.

More than once, my reason has been defeated by my desires. Even today, I do not know whether I will be able to save myself in the future.

I feel that I need someone to guide me—someone who can clearly see what I cannot see. All this time I have been walking alone, following the path that I believe is right. Yet I am not sure whether I am moving in the right direction or simply getting lost.

I am quite consistent when doing something, but I am also quite messy when it comes to taking care of myself.

I only hope that I will not fall into a real darkness in the future. I also hope that someday there will be someone who can awaken me from all the illusions that surround me.

This writing is nothing more than a simple reflection. I do not really care whether anyone reads it or not, because in truth I simply wanted to write. This is merely a place to pour out what exists in my mind today.

Thank you for enduring this far, O wandering soul.